the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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