some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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