Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
