if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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