some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
