I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
