Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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