Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
