I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
