dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
