On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
