Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my liver is dry heaving
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
