I think i peed on brittanys purse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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