I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
