i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
