sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
