yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
