K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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