I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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