i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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