I heard we made out
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
