I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
