You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
