that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is the high leading the old right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will be naked everywhere
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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