I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
