this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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