my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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