We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
