A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
