I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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