Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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