I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
