Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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