it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
