you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
