The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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