The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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