I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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