i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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