Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
