Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
