they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
