I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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