remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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