Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
