yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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