so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
