I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
