My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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