I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
