He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize