Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
