Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
