I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The beer is more important than you right now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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