capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
