i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's the barista slut.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
