I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
