Porn is love you can see.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
