I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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