I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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