god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
