I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
