And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I checked into jail on foursquare
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
