I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
