whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
