ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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