I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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