I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
