I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
