Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
