Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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