The maid of honor just puked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
