I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
