you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
