Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
