i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
