I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
