I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
