I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
pray to the hookup gods
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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